Friday, February 27, 2009

Writer's Workshop

(picture from Fark forums)

The Prompts: Visit Mama Kat

1.) For your birthday a sibling has decided to have the first six months of your blog printed and bound. Write a forward for the book.

2.) Write a 26-line poem using all the letters of the alphabet, where the first line starts with the letter "A," the second "B," the third "C," etc., culminating with the final line starting with "Z."(writersdigest.com)

3.) Start your story with, "In retrospect, I wouldn't say it was my best idea." And end it with, "And that's how I attempted to make this world a better place."(writersdigest.com)

4.) What would the truth have done? Write about a time when honesty was NOT the best policy.(writingfix.com)

5.) What made your childhood bearable? Write about it.


YARA...do this! I'm serious. Diana? Marcy? Come on ladies..this is fun!!!!


So we needed some time out of the house and we love going out to eat. We decided to go somewhere away from our little two horse town, with only one restaurant where table cloths are used. We live 30 minutes from town as it is, and the biggest town is 30 minutes from there, but we decided to venture out anyway.

The consensus was Applebee's. All the kids decided it would be good eatin'. The kids aren't picky considering that we usually eat out at McDonald's.

The trip there was uneventful. We talked, we sang, we read, Asa cried.

We were seated and easily decided on appetizers. They were delicious....creamy spinach-artichoke dip with chips; spicy chicken wings; delectable eggrolls stuffed with vegetables. All our favorites.

Soon after, our meals arrived. A huge bowl of macaroni and cheese with steam rising over the bowl, for Millicent; so much that she was able to bring some home for the next day. Kori had a corn dog, fried golden and crispy with a side of sweet applesauce. Kati had crispy chicken with a side of the applesauce.

Pretty soon we were finishing our meal and were enjoying our conversation...laughing about Asa. Whenever we gave him corn he would sign "all finished" but then sign "more" so he could have more of his Dad's fries. We were just having a good time.

Pretty soon the conversation began to change and Millicent got very excited about something. She began hopping in her chair and repeating something over and over. You could see the glee in her eye as she repeated the words. Her speech isn't always clear to us and certainly to those around her. We've never been more thankful for her speech patterns than we were in that moment.

We began to decipher what she was saying, as the object of her glee came into our view:

"SHE'S FAT! Mommy she's SO FAT!"

Yes, she was so fat. Fatter than any person should be. But what do you say to a three year old?

Yes, Millcent the lady is seriously fat and ought to be going for a walk and not eating out.

Or, yes, Millicent that lady needs to be on Weight Watchers.

Or, yes, Millicent I have never seen anyone that fat either.

No, the truth wouldn't have worked.

So I said, Millicent don't say that, you'll hurt her feelings, whispered in her ear so no one else could hear me.

What I really wanted to say was:

HOLY COW YOU'RE FAT!

But I whispered for Millicent to stop staring instead.

If that were the end of the story that would be enough. But no, alas, Millicent was so mesmerized by the largess of this woman that she could not remove her eyes from her, for even a second. She began playing with the back of her chair, which was obviously straining from the weight of this woman; I was afraid even one touch of the chair by Millicent would cause it to collapse.

So we quickly paid the bill and left. We laughed all the way home and said to each other...

HOLY COW THAT WOMAN WAS FAT!

17 comments:

Kelly said...

I'm laughing so hard my 7yo wants to know what I'm laughing at !!

Bona Fide Mama said...

That's awesome. My daughter is also interested in obese people. Only she doesn't know the word fat. She says, "Big" and calls them "People who make bad choices". Sigh.

3 Bay B Chicks said...

I am not exactly sure at what age kids develop a filter. In my case, that day can't come soon enough.

I loved your story! Totally made me laugh.

-Francesca

Anonymous said...

Harsh.

Anonymous said...

That is not nice. You think that woman WANTS to be that way... Last time I read this blog. I really thougt you were nice people. Great way to teach tolerance there.

Anonymous said...

Did you mean to type that story out loud? Been reading your blog since its inception….for someone who blogs about struggling with weight issues this entry seems strange.

Michelle said...

I'm sorry if I offended any of my readers. REALLY it was meant to be funny. I DO struggle with my weight...and I have friends who do as well...and they too thought it was funny.

So I do apologize if I seemed insensitive to weight issues.

Again, I meant this to be funny...while this really did happen, it was intended as light hearted and fun. Millicent doesnt have a filter yet as Francesca said.

Jeff Johnson said...

A few weeks ago I read a blog post that made some jokes about bald people. Thankfully my suicide attempt failed and I am feeling better now.

Kelly said...

Just wanted to drop another line to say that as a mom of a 7 year old that still has no filter, I understand and thought the story was funny. And I'm considered obese but was not offended. I did not become this way overnight, and neither did she.

Anonymous said...

Great Kelly,
I think Michelle has it summed up for you then... since you are "seriously fat" you "ought to be going for a walk and not eating out and need to be on Weight Watchers".
Simple.
However, if you catch her laughing at your body it is only because it is "funny" to look at you.

Michelle said...

Let me just start by saying, if any of you have read my blog for very long you know that I too am FAT. I said it! I'm fat. I know I am. That's why I'm trying to lose weight. Because I'm fat.

I feel like I can also call someone else fat because I am. Just like I can make fun of homeschoolers because we are.

BUT AGAIN, I'm very sorry if I offended anyone! THAT was not my intention. I'm very sorry if my blog post seemed insensitive. It was meant to be JUST FUNNY!

While the entire conversation with Millicent really did go down as I said it did, I really wasnt sitting there thinking to myself that lady needed to go on a diet. IN all seriousness, I wasnt judging her. Merely amusing myself with my daughter.

I was NOT laughing at the woman's body...I WAS laughing at Millicent.

Kelly does need to go for a walk...GO FOR A WALK KELLY. But for those that don't know Kelly. She's beautiful and doesnt need to lose any weight. SHE'S beautiful. BUT if she feels like she needs to lose weight, then she should.

One last time, it was meant to be funny and not as a slam on fat people everywhere...I AM ONE OF THE FAT PEOPLE.

Kim said...

LOL! Well, from one fatty to another, Michelle, (and more importantly from one Mommy to another) *I* thought it was funny! Yeva is the first of my 5 who was not born with a filter. Bobby and Hannah never made inappropriate comments - ever - they just "knew better" somehow. Not Yeva. Tee hee!

Well, I'm off to go for a walk - or join Weight Watchers - or something...

I'm glad you're doing okay, Jeff, after the bald episode.

Anonymous said...

totally missed the point, again.

Mama Kat said...

Oh no!!!! Just look at what I've caused!!! I think this is such a sensitive subject for people that they're clearly having a hard time seeing the humor.

Our kids have no filters. That's funny.

You told you're daughter the right thing, which was to not SPEAK about someone like that. It's not nice...even if she was right.

We're human. We all think it. The reality is if you're 5 feet tall and weight 300 pounds, people are going to think you're fat. It's hurtful, but it's an observation and perhaps a judgement. But we're human...that's what we do.

I think the moral of this story Michelle, is that you really are better off just keeping it a lie. Never do a writing prompt like this one ever again mmmkay!?!

ps If it makes you feel any better I've been getting some attacking comments from anonymous readers lately as well. Maybe think about taking that option off your blog, sometimes those negative nellies really stick with you...

Sorry!!! Though I'm slightly entertained by it all... :)

Julie said...

I got here via BlogHer...I got a kick out of the pirate story and just had to read the fat story as well.

I, too, have had those moments when my kids have said crazy, awkward, totally inappropriate things! Like you, I try my best to diffuse the situation by telling them that it is NOT nice to talk about other people.

That being said, because the anonymous posters seem to have a big problem with it...the vast majority of fat people are fat because they let themselves get that way. True, some people are more inclined genetically to be overweight than others. Those people might have to watch their diet and exercise more to keep from gaining weight. Some people may even have a medical condition which causes them to put on weight. HOWEVER, most of the fat people I know (myself included) are that way because they let it happen. I can (and will) say this, because I weighed 111 pounds just over 6 years ago, and now I weigh...well a LOT more than that. I'm technically "obese", although I don't feel that way. I DO know that it's no one's fault but my own that I'm at the weight I am (even though I jokingly blame my very skinny husband because I have to feed him).

The sooner people get over the victim mentality, the better!!

I will definitely be visiting again...

Kara said...

...kids are kids and "stuff happens". We all know that "fat" people don't get that way over night and the truth is that I'm fat and found this humorous. I have the GREAT privilege of knowing Michelle and Millicent personally and I know that while thinking it was very funny, Michelle would also NEVER allow her children to belittle someone or make fun of them. I guess personalities differ as opinions do. I am glad that you feel the freedom to share the things your children do to make you laugh, cry, scream and all the other things they do. That is what this is about... real life.
With all that said... if you don't like this blog, then don't read it. :)
I will be a faithful "follower" of this blog until it ends.

Kara said...

...one more thing... In response to the anonymous post about teaching tolerance...
We should not teach "tolerance" to our children.
As Christians we are to stand up for what is Christ-like and yes.. while we may struggle with weight issues, it is sinful to be obese. Just as other things that are being taught as acceptable are WRONG!!!! ...another reason I applaud Christian homeschooling as Michelle teaches. We, as a people, have become so desensitized to what is right, that we "tolerate" just about anything.
While we may have to turn our heads and pray for certain people and certain issues... we are NOT to tolerate it. "Be in the world and NOT of it".
I'm not for public humility or embarrassment at all, but she was just sharing a story of what her child did. Not only that... but she corrected it.