Wednesday, May 19, 2010

Book Review-Friendship for Grown ups

Friendship for Grown-Ups: What I Missed and Learned Along the Way

Usually I do several book reviews together, but this one had a lot of material I wanted to cover.  I also want to thank the publisher, Thomas Nelson, for sending me this book to review.  While the book was free I was not compensated in any way and all the opinions are my own.

You may remember Lisa Welchel from The Facts of Life.

The facts of life, the facts of life.
When the world never seems to be livin' up to your dreams
Suddenly you're findin' out the facts of life are all about you
You oooooooo

You remember.

Well she writes books now.  She homeschools.  She tours and speaks.  She's pretty awesome, if you ask me.

She has also written Creative Correction, as well as Friendship for Grown Ups and others.

I could totally relate with her in this book. She talked about how she always put on her happy face but never real went deeper in her relationships.  She had lots of friends that she was always there for but she never put herself out.

I've been that way.  Immediately upon finishing this book I reached out to a Godly friend who I knew would accept my friendship.  I hoped she would want to go deeper.  I discussed something with her that had been weighing on my mind.  And she understood!  I felt relieved.

If you've ever wondered what you could do to make and keep long lasting, deep relationships you should read this book.  You will look at friendships differently at the end. 

This wonderful passage really hit home for me:

"Stay connected, don't isolate.  We tend to withdraw from relationship when we are hurt.  Some people are afraid of their dependencies on others.  Others feel guilty about burdening friends with their problems.  Still others try to be self-sufficient.  None of these responses helps a person heal and grow."

For me, that would be burdening others and being self-sufficient.

There were some questions that never got answered.

First, she talked about having a male friend that was her "sponsor" like in AA.  They would NEVER condone that.  In my opinion it is always wrong to have that level of a relationship with a male that is not your spouse.  I would have loved to know why she thought that would be okay.

She mentions an extremely turbulent time in her life where she just fell apart. But didn't really go into what her kids were doing during this time or who was caring for them.  

Why wasn't her husband her best and foremost friend?  And where was he through all the things she was experiencing as she fell apart?


I love the questions that she asks her friends as both conversation starters and ways to get to know each other.

I will answer some of my favorite questions and I would LOVE to read your answers.  Either comment here or do your own blog post with these as questions:

Describe your mother in five words with a combination of positive and negative aspects.

Weird
Likable
Thoughtful

This is hard....

Giving
Strange (What?   It's different from weird in a strange sort of way.)

What do people say you do best?

Parent, make them laugh.  Laughing yet?

Describe an ideal day for you.

Leisurely breakfast that I don't have to make up, clean up or look up, at the mess.  (Hey, it had to go together.)  Some time with the family.  Then lots and lots of scrapbooking with no interruptions.  Dinner out with the family.

or...

A whole day and night with just Jeff, pretty much anywhere.  Sans kids.

What is the best song to describe your life?

Voice of Truth by Casting Crowns

I liked when she talked about meeting her friends asking them these three questions:

  1. What do you see in my life that encourages you?
  2. What do you see in my life that you would caution me about?
  3. What else would you like to say?
She also had some amazing ideas for connecting with other women:

Form a mom's group that meets once a month.  (Anybody, anybody?)

Set a monthly time to call a friend.

Find a friend who shares an enthusiasm with you (scrapbooking, garage sales, etc) and meet up to do it.

Plan a Bunco party.

Scores and scores more.

I encourage you to read Friendship for Grown ups.

Don't forget that this week in the Biggest Loser the winner will get a book.  You MUST have your weight into me this week by today to be entered.

Yesterday we had a great giveaway so check it out too.

6 comments:

Jeff Johnson said...

The facts of life are ALL about you.

Please do better sitcom theme song lyric research in the future.

Amy said...

The book sounds really interesting.I love getting together with friends but I really tend to isolate myself and don't usually invite friends to do things with me.I am the same way as far as feeling like a burden or just trying to be self-sufficient.

karen@fitnessjourney said...

I loved Blair on the Facts of Life! This does look like a good one.

BTW, I submitted the question you asked for my trainer on my blog. Your answer will be posted in next week's Ask a Trainer Wednesday. Glad you stopped by. I think this series is going to be fun and helpful.

Yara said...

She mentions an extremely turbulent time in her life where she just fell apart. But didn't really go into what her kids were doing during this time or who was caring for them.

Why wasn't her husband her best and foremost friend? And where was he through all the things she was experiencing as she fell apart?

--- because, maybe... he just wasn't able to be that person at that time... and maybe it was too much to put into the book : (

Marcy said...

I think Yara is right about that. She mentions at the beginning of the book that she wrote this from the perspective of her female friendships and did not get into her family. It probably would've taken a lot more time to get into all that and the book would've been twice as long. I need to write my review yet.

Michelle said...

Yes, I remember her saying that...but it still would have been nice to know a little more detail in that.

Yea, Yara, I can see how that might be...but it's still a sticky situation when you let a male become so important to you, like she did in her book, in place of your spouse.

Female friends have a very important place in our lives. But should never replace our spouse. at times it just seemed like he left him out of her life completely.