Wednesday, October 14, 2009

My husband left

But he'll be back.

He's on a business trip in Korea for three weeks. THREE WEEKS! The longest I've been away from him is three nights. Asa has never spent a night away from his dad. Almost every single night of Asa's life his dad has put him to sleep.

See, the thing is, it just doesn't feel right to not have him here. I mean, it's like part of me is gone.

He's the yin to my yang. The Ricky to my Lucy. The Bert to my Ernie (they are gay right?). He's my other half. My soul mate, for whatever that means.

He's everything I'm not. He's good at what I'm bad at. Together we are a whole person. Apart...well, apart, I feel like something is missing.

He drives for me and pays the bills and opens doors and carries heavy things and guides me with my elbow and makes sure I'm okay. He buys me food when I have cravings and carries the little ones so I don't strain myself. He rubs my feet and back and ties my shoes when I ask.

So what am I do to without him here? And it's not just the stuff he DOES for me. It's him.

I sit every night and watch TV with him. Some nights we talk and talk and talk and he makes me laugh so hard I almost pee my pants (okay, he's actually made me pee my pants). Sometimes we stay up till 10:30 (late, I know) or even 11:30, just talking and laughing. We'll lay in silence for a little while and one of us will have some random thing to say that will set us off again.

When he comes home from work we immediately start talking about our days and what we want to do that evening. Whatever it is I want to do, usually involves him. I LOVE my husband.

And I miss him like crazy.

I'm already planning his return home (aside from THAT, of course). I want a clean, super clean home and a nice meal and cute kids waiting for him at the door.

I cried three times yesterday. I'm not a real emotional person. I don't lose in front of the children. I don't randomly cry for no reason, even when I'm pregnant. But three times yesterday when I thought of my husband half way around the world, not close enough to even text him or call him (we text all day long and I can't for three weeks), I cried. THREE TIMES. Privately where no one would see me.

Being a single parent during this time has not affected me at all. It's just missing my husband that is getting to me. HIM. Being gone, away from me. Pregnancy could be making it worse, but I'm not sure.

So how do you ladies, with husbands who are gone often, cope? How do you make it through the day knowing you won't be sitting on the couch later and talking about the day? How do you go to bed at a decent hour knowing he wont be in bed with you? (He sleeps close enough that I can feel his body heat but not so close to crowd me.)



Stam House said...

Wow 3 weeks I don't know how I would be able to do it! I can't sleep when my husband is not in the bed beside me!!!!

My husband works from home 3 days a week and He is home on hte Lords day but he does have to work 3 days outside (about 10 min walk from home) the rest of the week and The girls and I can't wait for 5 o"clock to come so we could spent time with him!

I admire the courage of those who have to spent long period without their husband, but The lord knew that I would not be able to do it!!!

Trudy said...

Thankfully, I don't have to do it. I can't imagine my husband being gone for three weeks! I hope that time flies by quickly for you Michelle.

My husband is going to be gone for an entire weekend over the 24th and that is going to be torture for me!

The Royal Family said...

I cry I am a big cryer, I remember the first time hubs went out of town without me I just cried the whole time and I wasnt preggo. I am better now because I have to be and keep it together for the kdis but it' not fun or easy. I miss him far too much when he's gone. XOXO Hope it passes quickly for you.

Twincerely,Olga said...

Oh no! That's a loong time. My husband is gone for one week of training in Minn. for his new job and it has been really weird.It's the first time we've been apart for more than 1 night in 4 years!You can do it!! We are all out here and love you so come by and visit me often.My regrets are dropping out of college when I was 18 'cause it has been so hard to get my A.A. still workin on that and divorcing my ex! He is an alcoholic but I wish things could have been different!Thanks for asking!

Twincerely,Olga said...

wow you have 5 kids and 1 on the way!! You are blessed!! God really loves you extra!! I have 5!

Misty M. said...

Hey, 3 weeks is a long time. My husband went out of the country on business for 3 weeks once when we were first married and I was a mess. We haven't had to be apart much since, and I would be a different kind of mess now, what with the kids and all. I would make it ok, but would miss him terribly just like you.

I have a friend who is a military wife. Her hubby shipped out for a year when their first child was only 3 months old (at Christmas). She was sad, but she seemed to feel it was part of the deal and dealt with it. I can't imagine. I am not cut out for that. They are a different kind of married couple than we are though. Me and my hubby were glued at the hip long before being married.

Anyway, I am at the same point as you in my pregnancy, and I only have two little ones in the house and just the thought of having nobody to help with the heavy stuff or even just an occasional alternate for getting the kids dressed or helping get them ready for bed sounds difficult!

Good luck with Asa and the bedtimes!

Twisted Cinderella said...

((hugs)) I hope the time goes quickly and he is back before you know it. My best bit of advice is to treat yourself during those long evenings after the kids are in bed, take long baths, watch those girly movies he wouldn't want to, treat yourself special.

adrienzgirl said... heart is a little sad for you! You will be fine, it'll be over before you know it. AND absence does make the heart grow fonder. You will be a stronger woman for it! Love! It'll be o.k.

Mom's Place said...

I'm the exact same way.

From experience, the best thing to do is keep busy. Even at night. Find something to do. Clean, rearrange, do anything and everything you keep putting off for that rainy day!

It really works. The longest I have had to play single mom was 6 weeks. I do it every spring while my hubby is TDY.

Remember that you are strong and can do anything!!

foxy said...

Well, I know what you mean about loving your husband! My hub is far and away my very best friend. I miss him *most* of the time I'm not with him (sometimes a girl's just gotta have some girltime). :)

Before we got married, he decided to finish school in a city 3.5 hours away from me and it was sooooooooo hard, but doable. Our were long distance for almost 2.5 years, which seemed like an eternity then... but now we both think that time flew by.

Just focus on his return and you'll be fine... ;)

Helen said...

Three weeks is waaay too long!!

For me, it was music. I don't have little ones to make the house noisy, and when it was just me and the emptyness, I played music. I played really fast songs really loud... and I worked. I know you're a SAHM, but even little things like extra cleaning, or maybe decoration for fall: something to keep your hands busy. And sleep with a pillow, seriously! Good for the back, too, they say :D

My hubby and I were married Oct. 11 last year... and he was gone from the 20th of that month until a few days before Christmas. I had two weeks with him, and he left again on Jan 2. I didn't see him again until Memorial Day. I know it's so, so hard... but you can do it, I promise :)

tori said...

my hubby travels a lot but I got to at least work my way up to it. First it was just a day here and there then longer. It does get easier but I hope you won't have to even get to that point.
Oh yeah and the warm body kids used to take turns sleeping with me. It was a big treat for them. Not so much for me...lots of kicking and tossing and turning but at least someone is there. Now I miss those days, they are too old to want to share a bed with mom.
Hang in there!

Yara said...

they are gay right?

WTH! um no! They are just best friends... room mates.
Geez Michelle... be nice!

okay... back to the rest of your post.

Yara said...

what the... where my Bert & Ernie are so NOT gay comment? ANd I told ya to be nice....

where'd it go???

Sorry Jeff has to be gone so long.
I've never been away from dh for that long. If he goes out of town for work, he always comes home for weekends. Or we go with him. But truthfully, my kids go to sleep earlier & easier when he is out of town (no one to get excited about in the evenings, and prehaps they get tired of me so they'd rather sleep LOL)

You can call me if you want. It's earlier here so I can talk you to sleep : )
Seriously, if you need to, call me.
And... Jeff will be home soon.

you can't video chat with him where he is at?

Yara said...

Oh there is it.
I was also gonna say, but I forgot to...
you can still text him. He'll have 3 weeks of texts to look forward to when he comes home, but you can at least say to him what you need to & know he will see them soon

Lena said...

Wow, I feel for you. Take care of yourself, and keep busy, and the time will pass faster than you know. Its so nice to hear about your connection with your husband, I believe this is how close we all should be to our husbands...

Teresa @ Grammy Girlfriend said...

Man, I feel for will have your hands FULL.

Just out blog hopping on tonight...really should be working... Hope you will stop by my Christmas blog and leave your favorite Christmas song...and enter a great giveaway. Also, a birthday letter to my daughter on my main blog...